First of all, I guess I am picky. I want a date (and if things work out, more than a date) to be (1) physically attractive and (2) reasonably intelligent. I am definitely not the most handsome bloke, but I do take care of my body. I run, ride and my go-to meal at this point is a green salad when I get home, so I even try to eat right. I want to see the same in a date. That being said, when I encounter a profile this is my process:
- If you don’t even have a photo, I’m done.
- If I’m not at all attracted to your primary photo, I’m done.
- If you don’t have a photo that shows you from peds to pate, I’m done. Why? I figure you’re hiding your figure. (As an aside, for the love of Viracocha, WHY do this? If we meet, I’m going to see what you look like, why hide it?)
- If your only photo(s) that show you from peds to pate is/are from the side, I’m done. Why? See above.
- If you have a snapchat filter on a photo, I’m almost done. You are not 20-years old; stop that shit.
- I read your profile. Yes, I read each and every one that gets to this point. If you smoke, I’m done.
- If you’re overtly religious, I’m done. Having and listing a belief is okay. Going on and on about how you love Jesus? Not for me.
- If you have numerous and egregious grammatical and spelling errors in your bio, I’m done. (Unless your photos are pheromone-like in their allure. Hasn’t happened yet, though.)
If your profile has made it this far (and I estimate 400-500 have), I will fave/like/swipe right. For many of those, I send a message of introduction (on Match and POF - can’t on the other two) along the lines of “Hey, I think you’re swell (and refer to something in their bio to indicate I have actually read it). Look at me! If I don’t induce vomit, reply!” I’ve done this probably close to 100 times.
At this stage of the process, I visualize myself on a fishing boat, floating on a still, flat lake. I can see the fish swimming down there, and boy do they look good. But I can’t just grab them - I need to drop the line and hope for the best. My only bait is my own photos and (grammatically correct) bio. It’s a frustrating numbers game at this point where I have no control, and to date, no success. The very few responses I’ve gotten were one and done. They replied. I respond back with hope in my heart. They don't reply; I’m ghosted. Being a gentleman, I let it go. The first times, I was crushed. Now it's expected.
From what I understand, the woman’s perspective of the numbers game is different beast. I visualize their experience akin to panning for gold. Every time they visit their profile, they must sift through silt, rocks and sludge to maybe, just maybe find a fleck of gold.
Perhaps I’m sludge in the online dating world. I work hard not to believe that, but it's getting discouraging.