I am striving to get to a good place mentally. As I was doing my usual 8:30 AM jaunt around the workplace grounds (weather note: unseasonable cool with brisk winds), it came to me that I am looking at three discreet and distinct time frames for moving on. Short, Mid and Long (no Nobels there).
Short Term Time begins Now and extends out about two weeks or so. This block is the keep-my-head-down-and-focus block, and it's typically good. When thinking on this time frame, I am OK, because I am busy, I have things to do - both rote and out of the ordinary that I can focus on and be OK with myself. Right now, those include my son's graduation, a couple of planned long runs, and a trip to visit a dude in the Portland area. I've never been to Portland, so that'll be good. He and I will do some runs there, too. Double plus good.
Long term is looking at the horizon. Long term I know I will be OK, because I will have come to terms with me, and my situation. Whether I am alone or have a partner is kind of irrelevant when I look at that time frame, because I know I will have settled my mind either way.
Mid-term is the hard one. Looking at the time period of several weeks to a few years out, I am seized with doubts, fears and self recrimination about how I got to this point and WTF I can or want to do about it. Looking at the run next week? OK. Looking at retiring in Costa Rica? OK. Looking at this winter? Not OK -that looks lonely. I hope that as the time frames roll along (as they will), the differences in them begin to gradually fade. The way I look at it is that right now they are kind of a shit sandwich: a crappy outlook between two more positive ones. Here's to hoping it all gets mushed into a indistinct blob of OK-ness.
Time will tell.